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There once was a girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good,
she was very, very good
but when she was bad she was HORRID!
My Mom and my Gram used to
say that little rhyme to me all the time. I did have curls and when I
was bad, which was 97% of the time, I WAS horrid.
Some of the wonderful things
I did to drive my parents and grandparents around the bend:
- Remember the old keyholes in doors?
I used to take my Mom's lipstick and cram it into the keyholes.
- I would be put down for a nap while
visiting my Dad's mother's house and my Mom would tell my Dad and his
mother, do. not. shut. the door. And Dad would say, she's not going
to get into anything or whatever it was that he said and meanwhile,
I'm in the middle of the Grandmother That Didn't Like Me's bed, dumping
all her old lady powder in the middle of her bed and "mixing"
her jewelry up in it. Hah. Take that.
- First time I ever got caught smoking
and sneaking wine: Age 7. My Dad made me read the entire Bible. I don't
remember a bit of it. I didn't inhale though!
- I also loved to get up before the crack
of dawn and go to the kitchen, which happened to be carpeted for some
unknown reason, and cook breakfast for my family. I would take the flour
and sugar and anything else I could get my hands on, dump it out in
the middle of the carpeted floor and have at it.
- My parents smoked and left ashtrays
sitting around. Which I liked to dump out on the furniture or in my
Mom's potted plants.
- I can't even begin to tell you how many
times my Grandmother's screeching cry to "stop chasing those CHICKENS!!"
would come ripping out of a screened window where she had spied my brother
and I trying to catch some chickens and near about give us heart attacks
at getting busted.
- I also remember a day that I got in
trouble when my Gram walked into the bathroom and I had just gotten
finished with giving some baby chickens (peeps as she called them) a
bubble bath. The Avon bubble bath stuff out of the pink bottle. Oh she
was pretty ticked off about that one. Granpop wasn't very thrilled either.
- I once wanted to help my Dad out and
sanded his car for him. Sanded the paint job with actual SAND AND STONES.
I'm surprised the man actually didn't have a heart attack from all the
crap I pulled.
- I still have to listen to the story
about how I snuck a squirrel into my bedroom and tried to keep him in
my dresser drawer. I didn't realize the sneaky thing could get OUT.
I can't even remember how I caught it to begin with....
- And how I used to skip school and hide
out under the bridge in front of my Dad and Mom's house. Sneaking down
the creek bed to take off into the woods for a day of playing.
What is truly scary is the fact that those
little blips....they are just a SMALL amount of the crap I pulled between
the ages of 2 and 13. A small, small portion.
I'm not even getting into the stuff right
now that I did from age 14 to 19. I wonder if I can be retroactively arrested
and thrown in juvenile? I'm not going to find out. :)
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