Erica just walked in and handed me a small horse with the instructions to take the saddle off.

(I don't just have a mountain of naked barbies and baby dolls; we also have naked horses. Thanks to Dreamworks and the Spirit of Cimarron, all horses must be FREE!)

I struggled with the small plastic saddle for a minute, gouged under my fingernail and gave up and told her that we'd have to wait for Daddy to get home. Hey, I'm all about equality and crap but my fingers are sensitive!

Erica looks at me and exclaims, "You can do it! Use your imaginashun!"

I look at her blankly for a moment and then she says, raising a finger in the air for emphasis, "Use a knife!"

I replied, "We can't use a knife, I'm not going to cut it!"

Erica says, "Just try it."

I pick up the scissors and wedge the skinniest blade under the blue plastic strip and off it pops.

My 5 year old is smarter than I am.

-&-

Well, I've been dumped.

I got an email from Angela the other day explaining that she wouldn't be able to meet me in Las Vegas this June, as we planned. Her sister is going to be going to see her at that time and neither of them has the time or the money to do it. You know, work, studying and all that type of thing.

It's a hurtful thing but at the same time, I knew it wasn't going to work.

We used to talk a few times a week since I've been back in NC. Then I called her and didn't hear from her for about a week, she called and told me that she'd seen Jeremy that weekend and didn't want to call me until she had her own feelings figured out about it. She didn't want my opinion to sway her.

She explained that it wasn't ME but rather she tended to want to please the person she was talking to and felt that she just needed to have it in her own head how she felt before she talked to me.

Then she says that she would have her friendship with me and one with my brother too! If she could do it with her Mom and Dad (who are divorced) she could do it with us. She just wouldn't talk to me about Jeremy and visa versa.

That really, really hurt me. My heart is heavy with mourning. It is one of the reasons I've just not been able to write lately.

I wanted to make sure that my own hurt wasn't getting in the way of me being RATIONAL about things. I was hurt but it was a confusing hurt. I knew what she had said and done had upset me but I couldn't exactly put the why it hurt into words. I think I've distilled those feelings down into a bit of coherancy now.

1. She wasn't going to discuss any of her relationship with Jeremy, even though it was/is obviously a part of her life. Friends share things, dates, feelings, big things in there lives. Am I just a naive fool to think that? Being unwilling to share that part of her with me... that's not a friend. That's an acquaintance.

2. I know how she feels about her Mom and Dad and to have our friendship compared to either of her relationships with them, upsets me. I am not an obligation.

3. I've been more than restrained when it comes to discussing Jeremy, the entire situation, etc. both here and with her, having a tact and trying to NOT hurt her any further over something that obviously causes her much pain.

I have only reiterated over and over that if it makes her happy, then do it. No matter what the choice was: to see him or to not see him. To forgive him or not. My relationship (or lack of one) with Jeremy was not something built into my friendship with Angela.

I don't know. I'm sure she thinks I'm the biggest bitch but I couldn't help but go quiet. I mean, she just told me that she didn't call me about seeing Jeremy because she didn't want my opinions to cloud her own.

How am I going to argue with that, without trying to sway her opinion?

You don't, you just shut your mouth and nod your head and mouth the nice, polite words:

"Oh that's great. Yeah. Good, good. How ya doing? Great! It's good to see you/hear from you! Things are going great. Yeah, you too! Keep in touch!"

The two ships pass each other and head back out into the night, on their separate ways..................

We had a huge ice storm hit Sunday night, last all day Monday and by Tuesday, the roads where nearly impassable and a solid sheet of ice.

No school Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Who went to work each day?

ME!

Because my supervisor makes comments that the employees that didn't brave the elements were not "taking their jobs seriously!"

This comment made by someone that

a.) lives in town and has to drive an entire 3 miles or so to work

and

b.) had someone ELSE bring her to work.

But everyone else was supposed to trek 20 or more miles, on ice, to get to work.

WHAT. EVER.