|
February 5-6, 2005 |
Brains are funny things.... I hate it but I will say things to myself, usually when I'm reading something fucked up, out loud "Lord Have Mercy." And then my brain rattles off the following in my head: "and also be with you." That is just stupid. Southern-esque Catholicism. ..... I had a dream last night, really early this morning, that I was baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies for a football team that had Stuart on it as the quarterback and he was my boyfriend.... Waahhh? ...... Erica may get ADD from my side of the family but she also gets it from her Daddy too. Stuart was explaining some of this stuff to his Mom the other night. Giving her some examples of the stuff he would do and she just had no idea that all that was going on in his head back in the day and etc. etc. No communication or not much in that situation. She went out and bought him a little notebook so he could write things down in it before he forgot them. *sigh* If only ADD were fixed that easily. I never discussed it here but I had a bit of a good cry for a few weeks back in October when I realized just how destructive Erica had become and that I would have to take steps to find out what was going on. I'd go to my night class and run into her teacher's aide and hear all about the things she was doing and it just killed me to realized that things weren't getting better with her but getting worse. I don't know. No parent is happy about finding out that their child has some kind of chemical imbalance or mental issues. It's not that I want her to be perfect ..... it's just that sometimes things are so much harder when you're dealing with all these other THINGS that complicate life. ..... M1key is being a teenager and SKIPPING out on some of his classes. He and a bunch of friends decided to skip morning classes and go eat breakfast. He got so busted because the school called Stuart about him coming in late without a note. Now, if he doesn't show up for homeroom or is tardy for any circumstances, the school will be calling immediately. That got him grounded for a week. Is that the right length of punishment? Who knows. He was also not allowed to drive anywhere during that time. He's really been trying to push my buttons lately by making stupid comments and so I stay on edge around him .... not a good thing because he's going to say something that sets me off and it's going to get ugly. When he's in this kind of mood I try to get Stuart to act as a buffer between the two of us but that doesn't always work. His grades aren't as good as they could be lately and I'm so, so, SO tired of worrying about it. If he had been making more of an effort with school, I'd been planning to cash out my IRA to help him get started in college but that won't be happening if the current attitude trend continues. We've told him and told him that we will help in every way we can, monetarily, if he goes into college. The support stops when he quits school for good though. He'll have to work and get his own place and pay his own bills. Sometimes, I really just wish he'd join the military. I know so many people who are against the military right now but I honestly think it would help focus him on what he wants to do, what he's capable of doing and it's a structured environment. The pure competitive nature of the unit would keep him going strong as well. He's so damn aggressive and cocky it's not even funny. Mostly though, he just doesn't know what he's going to go to school for and I know this can be overwhelming. It's why I put off going to college as long as I did and I STILL DON'T know what I'm going to end up doing. It's like being tied down to one career is enough to smother me. I want to do it all. I'm interested in so many things and I know that's what he's thinking. So far things mentioned are: the military Who knows. |