December 9, 2008 Wow. That was some rambling crap I wrote last night. Note to self: don't wait until your face is dropping onto the keyboard to write entries. Ugh. Sorry about that but it's about the only time I have to "craft" these wonderful bits of love. I spent a lot of mindless hours, mindless being the key term, going through my music on iTunes and fixing the artist and the name and if I found it through a television show or whatever. Basically, not doing anything constructive. I also have to go through our bazillion photos to choose ONE HUNDRED to send to my sister in law this weekend for part of my Mom's christmas present. Yes, a digital picture frame. I had thought about one but Angela and Jeremy think it's great and we're all going in on it. So, that's pretty cool. I don't know why it's bothering me this year but it IS: I have so few Christmas decorations. They aren't just decorations to me. I bring them out and honor my Gram every time I decorate for Christmas. She always made it so magical to me. She made me love Christmas time. She isn't here anymore and I remember her through what she showed me. God. I know I say this all the time but I miss her so much. More so during this time of the year than any other. Anyway. That's a dead horse I continue to drag around with me. My sister visited my house for the first time at Erica's birthday party and they hadn't seen the house so i was showing them Erica's room, the other side of the house (MANVILLE) and then my room and Jennifer was like, 'Oh my God.' I said, 'What?'..... She said this room is just like Gram's. The decorations, the color of the floor, her small pieces of art that I do have...yeah. It's a shrine I guess. She said, "it even SMELLS like Gram's in here!" But yeah. My room is still MY ROOM. It has everyone of my bookcases in it, it has all of my tchotkes in it. It's me and my Gram. I keep wondering when I'm ever going to be okay with this. That she's gone forever. I keep thinking I'll get over it and it just doesn't seem to happen. Let's not dwell. I have a tree. I have some ornaments. Some that I am very fortunate enough to have had my Gram pass them on to me before she died. I treasure these. I have a nativity scene that my first in laws gave to me. Stuart built a wooden barn/creche for me and even though one of the Wisemen is in three pieces, and Joseph's head isn't permanently attached, it's still out. I've brought out many ghosts by doing this. Every year I know I'm going to look at this and think, 'Oh yeah, Nini gave that to me.' or "oh wow, I still love this angel Mary made for me!' or just the wonder of having pieces of sparkly glass and glitter that were a part of my childhood on my own tree. That has to be enough and it is and it isn't. But we do what we can.
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Recent Play List What females have done cover's of Freddie Mercury's "mama" song? 1. Never Leave Your Heart - Butterfly Boucher "The moral to the story goes That's it...got sidetracked.
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