Written over the course of a week from October 10 to October 14.
 

Please forgive if I have left something out or not mentioned you. It was not intentional.

I am still thinking about JournalCon (please use this link to find the people mentioned below). I just can't seem to write it down. I had fun. I talked A LOT. I met some people that I have been wanting to meet for a few years now and it was good. I told the story of my 'tater gun. I like entertaining people with redneckisms. I'm not quite sure WHY though....  There is a bit more here on my journalcon thing. Not much but a bit.  I learned how to get through revolving doors without my rear end or feet getting caught in them. I had to leave Pittsburgh just as I got the hang of it all. I saw and was disturbed by seeing, the first obviously homeless person, I'd ever encountered. I have enough thoughts on this that it is going in a separate entry. I went to Starbucks for the first time and even though I tried, I just can't like coffee.  I also learned that in Pittsburgh, you have to walk with the traffic lights and not just cross anywhere you please. I learned that when the Don't Walk starts flashing you have about 5 seconds to get off the road and back onto the sidewalks. Wow.  The elevators that took so. damn. long. to appear. I made Amanda walk up a few flights of stairs because I was getting so impatient at one point.  The hotel, Westin William Penn or was it the William Penn Westin?, was absolutely the most impressive and beautiful hotel I've ever stayed at. I think the one where Stuart and I honeymooned in Charleston breaks about even but it certainly wasn't as large.  There was this dude dressed up, I guess as William Penn, complete with hat and red vest with braid and such.  My first meal in Pittsburgh was at Dingbats with my first group of journalers that I had met. It was incredibly surreal to be sitting there talking to Carolyn Burke, Scott and Amy, Amanda, Amy, Ryan and I know I'm forgetting someone, I'm sorry but I can't remember. This is where they heard the  'tater gun story. Scott and Amy were beautiful and though Amy did seem to speak more than Scott, I knew it was just from him being the shy sort and nothing to do with being a snob or whatever. Lovely people that I wish I had a chance to spend a bit more time with.  I just really liked Amy immediately too. Very warm personality.  Jen Wade was a huge surprise. What sums up the surprise is what I said to her, "I know more about you just from the past two days than I did from reading your journal for 4 years." Jen Wade was someone I really liked a lot and wish that I had people like that closer than thousands of miles.  Amy Lester was another one that surprised me. I don't know why but I felt like she was older from what I was reading online. Funny but older. Like, older and more mature acting. Not that she didn't act mature..... okay scratch that. Amy Lester turned out to be fun, funny and charismatic. Even though she did take those close ups of my face that make me cry when I see them. Ucky. The one good thing about all my photos is that I know I won't have to look at MYSELF.  I think I spent most of my time with Amy and Jen and had a blast doing it. I laughed more in two days than I have in 2 months.  Then there is Columbine. Who I, again, wasn't quite sure if we would get along in the flesh. The posts and entries have always been so cerebral and opinionated that I just didn't know. And what a sweet, wonderful, direct person I met. I think that was the one person who turned out directly opposite of what I had any kind of notion of to begin with. Columbine was the best surprise and did have the best hair.  I didn't go out and party with everyone but instead went to my room and went to bed though I did not sleep well either night.  I could NOT believe how expensive the drinks were. At the gathering before the Gala Dinner, I drank two itty bitty glasses of soda that cost me 4.50. Ridiculous. And the attendants looked slightly offended at times that we weren't all drinking and partying big and having a big crowd.  The Gala Dinner held at Dowe's on Ninth was VERY hard to find.  Breakfast consisted of bagels from Bruegger's (is that spelling right?) each morning.  The sessions were great. It was fun and I loved being able to sit with a group of people and talk about this journal stuff. It was a common bond. Something I really have never done before.  We discussed the panelists and panels. No dissing that I can remember. Unless I've had a major brain cramp. Except that I think that only one piece should be read, per person, because I know a few that wanted to read but didn't get a chance.  We had to walk through a parade to get to lunch. I couldn't believe a real parade was happening at that time. It seemed such an odd thing.  Lunch at Asiago (is that right Columbine?) sitting at one long table, with Columbine and Lynda across from me, Jeff Gilson on one side and Amy L. on the other side. Goat cheese = EWWW! Artichokes = okay. What did I have? Some large pork 'medallions' on a bun. umm. It was okay but I've had better. The luncheon companions MORE than made up for that though.  Sitting at the hotel bar where Shelley, Pamie, John and the Pittsburgh guy, Jimmy were. I had reallyreally wanted to speak a bit with Shelley but up until that point hadn't had a chance. I just love Shelley and have for a long time. And what cool shiny pants! I got a chance to speak and hear Patrick's horror of a travel story. Hunting dogs!!! Sounds like he could have been right down the road... I think I even spoke with Dana and Rob here for a few brief moments when they appeared out of nowhere.  Dinner at The Harvest House or something like that located on the second floor of the DoubleTree hotel. I THINK. Diane, Darin, Sophia and Jan were wonderful fellow diners. We were sitting at the 'kid's table'. Most intellectual conversation all weekend I think. Jan is a character! And Darin was much more chatty and social than I would have thought. Why would I think that? I'm still not sure but there you have it. Maybe because Diane seemed quieter and she is the one that keeps thejournal. Sophia is an incredibly good baby and absolutely adorable. Made me miss my little terror a bunch.  Ended up going back to the WWP with Diane, Darin and Sophia in search of chocolate. I ended up having cheesecake.  Got up an hour earlier than I wanted since I couldn't seem to operate the damn alarm clock correctly (glad to know I'm not the only one who did it)  Flew around in the dark, half asleep, packing everything and getting downstairs for a bagel before finding out I still had PLENTY of time. Sat with Jeff Gilson in the lobby and waited for other signs of life.  Caoimhe is beautiful. She was a most sought after person (along with Dana and Rob). I didn't really spend any amount of time with her but I do love that accent. And I have written in the back of my program where I took about four notes that she is to be credited for any and all future use of 'thundering bitch days' that anyone may use. Thundering bitch days. I love how that sounds and the image it conjures up.  Athena, Melissa and Mary Ellen are more people I didn't see much of. And Emily and the 416 guys and Brian,  Keli, Stephen, Terry, Greg, Kerryo, Molly Zero. I also have written down in my pitiful notes that Mary Ellen has the most gorgeous voice. I could have listened to her a long time. Athena is someone whom I admire greatly for her willpower and determination.  I think I spoke with Melissa who travelled down with Mary Ellen and Patrick once or twice. She was very quiet.  Terry and Stephen seemed a bit nervous but relaxed as the sessions continued. Greg Bueno was very quiet but I did get to talk, or at least hear his voice at the last lunch I had with these people at Seventh Street Grill in the downstairs.  It was great to finally meet Emily. I have been reading her off and on for the past 4 years. I think she was the youngest journaler I had ever read. Very sweet and yes, cute.  I said hello to the 416 guys in passing but didn't get to spend any length of time with them. They seemed nice if they were rather quiet when I saw them.  Diane and Carolyn's session was interesting as those who have been around for awhile but I would have liked to hear more about the journalers and the actual community. They did talk about it, I'm just greedy! I stayed for Columbine's and Stephen's session though I didn't think I'd enjoy it and it was great. I think people were starting to relax with each other and get comfortable. Questions and jokes and it was just fun. And it was a coding thing. Who would have thunk it? The revealing/healing session was not touchy feely. I enjoyed it. A lot. I don't think it was wwhat people were expecting or thinking it was.  Beth and Pamie's session: I don't think we talked about anything controversial. I think it was just too early in the morning for people to think. I know I couldn't have pulled a controversy out of my head if I had help as tired as I was. Beth sits just like a lady. She doesn't fidget or fling her hands around like an orangutan. Very self assured and collected.  Pamie was so gracious and I know, talked with everyone that approached her and was just so down to earth. I don't' know what I expected, I really don't, but whatever it was, was wrong. And the girl is hysterically funny. I heard the pet voices. I didn't realize what a big deal that was at the time but she was great. Very animated and the hair things were too cute. I'm glad I was able to meet her. I think that a lot of people have/had a lot of preconceived ideas about her based solely on how many hits her site gets, how many readers she has and the whole banner for money thing.  But as most have always known, the website is not the person and I think that was proved over and over and over again this past weekend.  And Beth, gets a lot of crap mail too.  Readers and writers of hate mail, these people are real and not the sum of their journals. Stop the shit. Paybacks are a huge hairy bitch, man.     I didn't go to the journaler to author thing by John and Margaret. Instead I got caught up in conversation with Jen, Columbine, Amy and other random people that wandered by. Sitting in the stairwell all the while. Some other hotel patrons would walk up the stairs and sweep by us as if we were going to lean over and grab their ankles any minute.  I saw Amanda and Dreama and Lynda on and off throughout the festivities. I didn't see as much as I would have liked but there will of course be a next time with those three and probably soon. Amanda has been promising me a trip down here to visit. Maybe next spring!  I think so much of Patrick after a face to face meeting. He is so intense and genuine and wears his heart on his sleeve.  It was COLD in Pittsburgh. I knew it was going to be before I left and I packed what I would where for winter down here: a windbreaker and one turtleneck. I don't like dressing for winter and have spent many winter days with wet feet since I refused to wear snow boots. It was cold in a way that North Carolina doesn't get cold though. Very interesting. The hotel was kept very hot and between the hot and cold and the dry air, my nose was bleeding after the first night. My skin felt like alligator hide. I couldn't wait to come back to the humidity of the south. Too bad it was only 47 degrees when I landed in Raleigh. I fantasized about a bowl of steaming water and a towel over my head with my face planted directly in the steam. It was not to be though since we had to go from Raleigh to Dunn, to Clinton and then, finally, HOME.  I was very tired and cranky and went to bed and fell asleep where I dreamed about finding Heather Peters. Mary looks a lot like Heather did when I knew her and I guess that stirred up a bunch of latent memories. I miss Heather so much. Last I knew, she was in Cleveland Ohio if anyone wants to try and find her for me. I've looked but can't afford all the long distance calls looking.  I'm glad I went. I had a great time though felt a bit out of it since I wasn't going out and partying.  That's alright. I've always been that way. A part of something but apart from it for usually those very same reasons. I just am not a big drinker or a stay up late person. I was sort of bummed that I didn't know where they had gone but ah well. It was for the best I think anyhow.  I miss everyone already.  I would go again though and I hope that all the people I liked so much will be there again and many that didn't get to go, will next time.  I hated to say goodbye.      Every morning since, I seem to awaken with a craving for bagels.

i am so stressed that I can't seem to get a decent, coherent entry out. I have all these bits and pieces floating around in my head, cluttering up the cluttered landscape even more. So lets just get it out shall we? I need to write it, to get past it.   I've learned something about myself in relation to this journal in the past week or so. Maybe it isn't a big newsflash if you're reading and have been reading but it has come as a great foundation rocking shock to me.  I internalize 90% of what happens into my life and what gets into the journal is usually what I've already thought and felt and is in its diluted state.  I don't put down my first or my second or third thoughts. I put down what I have sanitized for everyone's viewing. I mean, I know I can't relate a lot of stuff if only because if D. or J. or someone else in Stuart's family happens to find this journal, that would be bad. I mean, I'm not hiding a murder or anything but I have a bawdy sense of humor, I do swear (sometimes a lot), .... ah forget it. Here go read this entry on something like what I'm talking about. A big disappointment was that I didn't get to meet Nancy. I was being a good girl in my hotel and going to bed, so I missed her. ARGH! Good thing she travels through here every so often.  I actually have so much more to say but it seems too soul baring to say anything else.