The entries for my first trimester can be found here and for the second trimester, here.

We're in the home stretch now, the Third Trimester!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 28, 1998
6:00 pm

I have caught myself studying my body in the bathroom mirrors lately......while I'm NEKKID.

This is an odd thing for me to be doing because I never EVER looked in a full length mirror when I was pregnant before. I didn't want to see it.

I stand there and face the mirror with my head tilted to the side and study my stomach and my breasts. Very odd looking.... I notice the veins that have become more prominent, more veiny looking. I notice that yeah, I have gained some weight in my legs and arms but it could be a lot worse.

Stuart is worried because I've not gained much weight. He doesn't think it's enough yet. He keeps telling me that from that back, I don't even look pregnant. I disagree! I turn around and look at myself over my shoulder in the mirror. Yikes! My rear-end has too gotten bigger! I see cellulite on the back of my thighs too. UGH.

Then I turn to the side. My stomach is leading the way. Instead of LOOKING at my stomach, I look at it. It's odd to see the way it stretches and travels away from my body. Skin and muscle forming this mound that is attached to my body. Holding this living person inside. I can see the line of my rib cage before it disappears into the mound. The human body is really awe-inspiring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 4, 1998
4:00 pm

Took that nasty Glucose an hour before my appt. We got there right on time and ended up waiting and waiting. The week was so hectic that Stuart fell asleep sitting in the waiting room and only woke up by snoring himself awake. hehe. Poor baby was tired. After about 25 minutes of waiting someone finally asked me what time I had taken the glucose. When I told them, they called me back immediately and the Nurse was about to have a fit telling the other Nurse that my blood needed to be drawn RIGHT NOW!

Seems that someone had messed up when they wrote my appointment time down. They had it down for 3:30. It's a good damn thing they didn't wait too much longer or I would have had to take it over again.

They were running so behind today for some reason. We sat in the secondary waiting room for about 40 minutes waiting to get my sonogram. I was about to die of impatience. Flipping through magazines, waiting for my name to be called and watching people flit back and forth. ARGH.

Finally, FINALLY, it was time. Went into the room, layed back and the doctor came in. Asked me if everything was fine, yadda, yadda, yadda and got out that lovely blue gel and turned out the lights.

It's a girl. Or at least the doctor said "over 90% sure it's a girl". So we knew.

We saw the heart and kidneys and the spine. He measured the legs on the monitor to make sure they were the same length and he measured the head circumference. Everything looked good. WHEW! Talk about taking a huge burden off my shoulders.

It lifted even more when he told us that she weighs just a little over 2 lbs. A little above average birthweight. (i smoke so it's been a constant worry and I don't need to hear from anyone preaching about it thank you.)

It's also been a bit of a blessing too. I've never paid much attention to what I ate before while pregnant and I guess just hoped that everything would work out. And thankfully, it did. A steady diet of fudge brownies and not much else would be really asking for it at my age now. I've eaten better and consumed water of all things, this time around. I've gained only 3 pounds since my last visit and about 17 lbs so far altogether. That isn't bad at all.

I do have to go in next Tuesday for my Rhogam shot. The test for sugar turned out fine as I've not heard any different. So far, so good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 7, 1998
6:00 pm

I really miss having sex. Oh we still do but it's just not the same. I REALLY miss it. Dammit. Tomorrow off to the doctor for the Rhogam shot.

I seem to be more and more tired now. More so than I have been for awhile. I've been retaining quite a bit of water too. I had to use vaseline to get my wedding ring off last night. I guess I'll just start wearing it on my necklace. It's too uncomfortable and I don't want to NOT wear it.

I really should have invested in stock for TUMS. Heartburn city day and night everyday. yuck.

Mikey got to see the baby move the other night. When she's thumping around in there you can see her poke my stomach out with an elbow or foot or hand at times. Pretty neat looking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 21, 1998
2:00 pm

I'm a mess. Dealing with a few things that you damn sure won't read about in any baby book. I debated on writing about this or not. I mean, I keep a journal and all but really I am a private person when it comes to my..ummm, person. My body and how it acts isn't usually grist for the journal entries. So God knows if you're squeamish about women and what they have to deal with, go away!!!

.

.

.

I'm a neat person. I'm very particular about my personal hygiene. I shower every day and sometimes twice. I shave my legs and underarms every other day. I would do it every day but right now my skin is so sensitive that it becomes razor burnt quite easily. I'm not a very hairy person as it is Thank Goodness! I also keep other areas trimmed and neat. I am not growing a friggin briar patch okay?

So what's the problem you ask? Ha!!!! YOU try shaving something you CAN'T SEE! The underarms of course aren't a problem. The legs are a small challenge but nothing I can't deal with. Sitting down doesn't work because I can't bend over with my stomach getting in the way. Besides, I bent over all squished up the other day to pick something up and the baby chose that moment to kick the pure hell out of my ribcage and it brought tears to my eyes it hurt so badly. So I very carefully hike my leg up and prop my foot against the shower wall. I am still limber enough to be able to do that, keep my balance and shave at the same time.

The crux of the matter is the other areas. I can't see over my stomach. I sort of know how men feel by having to shave their faces while looking in the mirror and not being able to actually SEE what they are shaving. Yep. Gotta love those mirrors. Now I just need to learn how to do it evenly. LOL!!!!

So that is one thing those pregnancy books don't tell you how to manage.

The other is something I've dealt with before. Well actually it's NOT been dealt with because I don't really know where it's coming from. It has to do with my sexual self and my mothering self. Am I the only one that separates these things?

I miss having REAL SEX. I mean we do now but it's just not the same and I feel all weird and stuff at the end of it. Like I've just done something "bad". It's that feeling I get when I thought about trying to breastfeed. Just all oogly and weirded out.

I know that I want my body back and I'm tired of being a big fat blob. Plus it isn't all that comfortable now. You try sitting a solid lump of something inside on top of all your organs and see how much room is left over. Not much and it makes most positions impossible if not downright painful.

This really isn't something I want to delve too deeply into right now.

On to other things.

The baby has really come into her own with those feet and elbows. Now when she kicks you can see my whole stomach MOVE from it. It's quite a jolt and it can be quite painful at times if she kicks and manages to hit a sensitive spot.

Right now I'm somewhere between 30 and 32 weeks along. Wow.

A full pregnancy is 40 weeks. Not nine months at all let me point out but 10 months. My next appointment is October 2. I'll be around 8 months along.

I'm not sleeping very well lately. I toss and turn all night due to the baby constantly moving around and waking me up. I dream, very, very, vivid dreams all night long. I wake up in the morning feeling like I'm waking up from a 2 week bender.

I also have the wonderful job of worrying about peeing my pants every time I cough or sneeze. Now THIS is annoying as hell. It helps if I go to the bathroom every 40 minutes but that's all I do is run back and forth to the bathroom all day long. This doesn't bother me at home but at work I have to walk about (it seems) half a mile to the damn thing. I might as well get that lovely catheter installed now. Save myself the damn time and save the doctors doing it when I go into the hospital to deliver.

I didn't know about that catheter until Jennifer was in the hospital during delivery. It's Standard Operating Procedure. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate that term? Christ. I'm surprised that they still don't give enemas as SOP anymore. IV's are also a SOP. Something which I have a deadly fear of. I hate an IV so badly I can work myself right into a full-blown panic attack thinking about the impending "sticking". I wish I could refuse the damn thing.

For someone who has been through this twice before you would figure I would know everything like symptoms. Well no, I don't obviously. For the past two months I've had this thing where my stomach gets really, really hard and tense for a short period of time. I didn't really think about it, only registered that it was mildly uncomfortable pressure. It's a Braxton Hicks contraction! Doh! I felt like an idiot when I finally figured out what they were! I have them now more often than I did a month ago but nothing regular or anything like that.

It's almost time but it's still so far away!!!!!

I have my virtual baby shower to look forward to though! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Now if someone could just turn off the heat down here in NC, we'd be doing okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 3, 1998
2:00 pm

Here it is. Already October! I'm due in November! I didn't think these months were ever going to get here even though Stuart says it's passed by very quickly. *snort* Yeah maybe for YOU sweetheart.

I had my doctors appointment yesterday and everything is everything. Which means just fine. I'm 32 weeks along and they measured my belly and said I seem to be right on target. They weighed me and I've gained 3 pounds since I was in last.

I gained three pounds the last month too. I'm still under 170 though! What aggravates me is that I had gained some weight before becoming pregnant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 11, 1998
12:00 pm

This past Friday, I was 33 weeks along. I have had this book (The Pregnancy Journal by A. Christine Harris, Ph. D.) since I knew I was pregnant. It's a new little book that chronicles each day of your pregnancy. Each day is numbered and has a space for you to write in the date and under that it tells you how many days you have left until your due date.

It has cute little pencil graphics throughout, spaces where you can chart your emotions, waist measurement, and weight. It also tells a bit about the development of the baby so far on a certain day and something that pertains to you, the pregnant one. They also throw in Parenting tips, and one of my favs: Childbirth in Other Cultures. Makes me pretty damn glad I live in the 20th Century in 1998 in the U.S.

Anyhow. The book is fantastic. I highly recommend it. So the little excerpts are from that book and all the copyrights are retained to the author and no infringement is meant and all that good stuff.

Week 33 is technically in the 9th Lunar month. It seems that's how the docs go on this pregnancy thing. Lunar months and weeks.

"Normal pregnancy lasts 9 1/2 Lunar Months. Lunar Month 10 begins with Week 37."

On Friday, as I said, I was exactly 33 weeks along. Here's what's happening:

"Right now, your baby weighs at least 4 and a half pounds and measures about 12 inches long."

Then today.... (looking this up) oh wait. This is interesting.

On Saturday under the Mother section it says:

"Sometime within the next three days, your total blood volume will have increased from 17 cups to 21 cups of blood in preparation for birth. The body is anticipating some blood loss since, among other things, the placenta has to separate from the uterine wall, and it is preparing a surplus of blood so some can be lost without risk. Continue to drink plenty of fluids."

Yummy. So I should be carrying around an extra 4 cups of blood any time now. That's a good thing to know.

For today, with 39 days to go, on day 227 of this pregnancy, it says:

"The baby might "drop" (shift into your pelvis) before labor begins, but not all babies drop prior to the onset of labor.

If the baby drops (this is also called settling or lightening), you will begin to notice a decrease in lap space when seated, a sudden ease of breathing and more stomach capacity, more pelvic pressure, and more frequent urination - maybe even slight incontinence (difficulty holding your urine)."

Yeah. Like I NEED to make more trips to the damn bathroom in the course of one day. As much time as I spend there I may as well put a house number on the thing and have mail sent there.

Let's cover this Incontinence thing while we're here. This is NO JOKE. I told Stuart that I was going to get some DEPENDS if something doesn't let up here. No matter how many of those damn Kegel muscle things.... It's a hazard for sure. At first it caught me by surprise. ugh. Now I know that I MUST go to the bathroom at least once every two hours. I still hold myself a certain way when coughing, sneezing, or laughing.

Having to worry about peeing your pants. Sheesh. As one person remarked today: The Indignities of Pregnancy.

All the pressure though is amazing. Bumping my stomach up against the washer as I lean in to grab the laundry out, hurts. I tried to explain that to Stuart but obviously it's a bit hard to grasp if you haven't been through it. It's not the same as being overweight. My stomach is solid as hell. With so much pressure on it that when something hits it or pokes it, it does hurt.

The other week at the doctors, I let him know that I had been having the Braxton Hicks contractions (contractions that are preparing your body for birth). He asked me about it and I told him that it felt like my guts were going to fall out and splatter all over the floor the pressure was so much.

The doctor looked a bit taken aback for a moment then laughed and said I sure had a way with words.

Shock value. It's a good thing at times. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 20, 1998
10:00 pm

They threw me a Virtual Baby Shower ya know? All my friends online..... It was so overwhelming beautiful and nice that I've been trying to think of how to put it, to describe it. October 17th of 1998 from Noon until 5pm EST but it lasted 'til almost 7pm everyone was having such a good time.

Just thinking about it makes me realize that no matter what else I have in my life or what's going on, I am truly blessed in my friends. It doesn't matter that most of us haven't met face-to-face. Through these journals....through the web I've met all these people. People that I care for and they care about me and mine.

For everyone that took part in any part of this, sent gifts, put time and effort into this, who emailed me wishing us well: 

Thank you. It's inadequate but it is a phrase that resonates throughout this whole site and in my head and heart. Maybe some day some of us will meet and I will be able to thank you in person.

Mary took pics and documented some of the happenings. I've pulled everything off her server and put it here to keep. I'm even going to grab the games pages and the graphics.

The Virtual Shower for The Journal Baby

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 25, 1998
8:00 am

Today is the other Baby Shower that is being thrown for us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 3, 1998
6:00 pm

As of last Friday, I was supposedly 36 weeks along.

It's going v.e.r.y. slowly. Which isn't a shock. The last month is always the worst on time dragging. Other than some Sciatic Nerve pain (OWWWW) everything seems fine. My b.p. was up a bit but after the day I had that wasn't a shock either.

This Friday starts the weekly visits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 9, 1998
3:00 pm

I was asked the other night if I was nervous being this close to my due date. I said it depended on whether you were talking about the actual Labor or what comes after.

The labor, of course, is painful but it isn't what I'm nervous about. What scares the teeth right out of my head is what comes after I get home from the hospital.

After giving birth to Alix I had Postpartum Depression so badly that I actually didn't like the child for awhile. I fed her, bathed her, changed her, etc... but I didn't feel any love or that maternal bond that all the people and head doctors like to go on about.

I was mad. I didn't feel like a "mom" and I damn sure didn't feel like Renee anymore. I felt like an imposter, that I wasn't fit to be a mother. That I had lost all sense of ME. I was gone. Nothing but a haggard, ugly, rundown, rotten, person.

I do remember a certain thought that played over and over in my head. Howie Mandel is a comedian and part of one of his skits contains the sentence:

"And I'm somebody's DAD!"

I thought it at least once a day: "I'm somebody's MOM!"

This wasn't said with a sense of awe but with sort of a gleeful horror. And I was, horrified. That was one of the few times in my life that I actually kept a paper journal. It was a sick and twisted journey of hate, despair, and ugliness. I would have kept it but I think it Magically Disappeared when Nathan found out I planned on keeping it and showing it to Alix when she had a child.

I was pretty damn demented at the time, pure and simple.

I was not happy. Add to that, the lack of sleep and a squalling stranger. It was not the best of times. The first 3 months were the worst.

THAT is what I'm nervous about. I don't want to lose "me" again. I don't want to become buried under a bunch of painful emotions like those ever again. I've never felt so lost in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 10, 1998
10:00 am

Well. I'm having some type of pains. I think they are Pre-Labor pains. But you know what they say about THAT. Pre Labor can mean today or two weeks from today.

I had been feeling pretty rotten yesterday so I came home from work early. Nothing concrete, just a feeling of fogginess and BLAH. Then last night about 8 pm or so, I noticed that I was having some different pains in my front pelvic region. I figured it was the baby's head moving further down into my pelvis. Then about 9 pm I started having this dull, aching in my back that was wrapping around to bottom of my abdomen.

Ended up calling Mary about 11 pm because the pains weren't going away and the back pains would ease up, come back and hurt for a bit, then go and then come back etc....

Took some tylenol which didn't stop the pains but knocked me out pretty quickly. I woke up off and on throughout the night long enough to register that the pains were still there but not any stronger or more frequent.

This morning was more of the same. I ended up calling out of work, feeling very guilty the whole time too.

So I'm resting. Yay. I'm thinking that the pains will stop by this afternoon or evening and I can go back to work tomorrow. I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't think it's really necessary right yet. So we wait.

Signs of Pre Labor

*Waters Breaking: Could be a gush of fluid or a trickle. Only 10 % -15% of women have their water break on its own. Mine has never broken on its own.

*Nesting: Wanting to clean everything in sight. Symptoms may include things like actually wanting to wash windows and arrange closets and off the wall things like that.

*A Bloody Show: Also known as the Mucous Plug. When your cervix begins effacing (thinning out) it is possible for some of the mucous sealing it shut to disloge and may contain streaks of pink. It doesn't actually look like a plug. Just stringy, pinkish, mucousy discharge. EWWW. I've never had it with either Mikey or Alix.

*Effacement: This is something you have to have an internal exam done to know. This is the thinning out of the cervix, readying itself for the baby's birth.

*Lightening: Also called having having the baby "drop". This is more prevelant in first time Moms. Sometimes it doesn't even happen until you go into actual labor. It's when the baby drips down all the way into the pelvic area, ready to get moving. You may or may not notice this. In some women it gives them more breathing room and you can eat a full meal without major discomfort.

*Dilatation: This is what the cervix is doing when it's opening up. Full Dilatation is 10 centimeters. Which means you are going to have that child any damn second!

*Diarrhea: The hormones that your body is producing in pre labor can cause abdominal cramps and loose bowel movements. This is natures way of emptying the lower intestines so the baby has more room to move down the birth canal.

*Contractions: True Labor Contractions tend to start at the top of your uterus and radiate down your stomach into your lower back. (from one source) Another says it starts in your lower back and radiates out into your abdomen.

True Labor Pains also will not change in intensity or go away if you change position or activity. Braxton Hicks pains will ease off or go away altogether if you get up and walk around.

False Labor pains or Braxton Hicks contractions are not evenly spaced apart and they come and go, stop and start, don't get any stronger etc...

True Labor pains appear, get consistently stronger and more frequent. This can take quite awhile to do that. Time them is what everyone says. Though some womens contractions are never perfectly spaced apart. If they are approximately so many minutes apart and last for 30 seconds to one minutes, that can be taken as a sign also.

Or something like that.

I doubt I'm in labor yet.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

3:18 pm

The back pains are getting way out of hand here. What's screwed is that it hurts more on one side than the other. And higher up along my back too. If this isn't labor it sure hurts like hell. I called the doctors and of course they wanted me to come in to get checked out. This at 3 pm. I didn't feel like driving by myself to the doctors office so I just told them that if the pains aren't gone by tomorrow, I'd come in.

Besides, that would be extra money. I've paid them enough dammit.

So there's all that.

November 11, 1998
3:00 pm

Went to the doctors today to find out what was going on. The major pain that was going on in my back on the right hand side turned out to be a minor urinary tract infection. Who'da thunk it? I've never had one of those before. He prescribed Macrobid twice daily for 5 days.

However, I am in Early Labor. I've lost 4 pounds too since last Friday! Back down to 166 lbs. Nurse said that was common in Early Labor to lose weight. I'm not upset at ALL about that.

I'm also 1 and a half centimeters dilated.

That's the good news AND the bad news. I could go tonight or 2 weeks from now. UGH.

So back to the waiting game.

November 13, 1998
10:00 pm

It's Friday the 13th.

I lost my mucous plug this morning.

The baby keeps driving her head into every single nerve ending she can find, sending out enough pain to drive me to my knees. Unfortunately, no real labor pains yet.

With the baby's head moving further down (just how much damn further is it going to go before she pops herself out dammit?), this is supposed to be 'productive'. It's just annoying the hell out of me.

I'm getting pretty tired of this. Really. To the point where I don't even want to think about it because IT'S NEVER GONNA GET HERE.

I am so damn exhausted at this point that it's scary to think that I could go into labor right now. I'm tired. Mere words simply could not convey how weary I am. How sick and tired I am of hauling this body around. I feel old, wrung out, strung out, and washed up.

I want to go to bed and not get up for a few weeks. Just to sleep and not have to worry about feeding everyone, washing the laundry, picking up the house....nothing.

blah!

November 15, 1998
3:00 pm

I can't wait to see just how much more foul my mood can get before this is over. Every tiny thing is pissing me off. You name it.

No email for two days? FINE. Where the hell is everyone at when I need entertained????? Any other damn time my box is slam full of email, almost more than I can keep up with. When I REALLY NEED IT,  IT ISN'T THERE. WHATEVER.

The sun is shining? Shut that damn thing OFF. Close the blinds, I want RAIN AND DRIZZEL and ROTTEN weather to go along with my mood. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

I found myself hitting the peak of self pity just a little bit ago. Tearing up sitting here....no reason other than I'm sick to death of all this crap. It's not fair. I'm the only one pregnant in the world who isn't in labor. I'm fat and ungainly and in pain and I don't like myself one little bit and I'm just fucking TIRED of this whole damn scene. Tired of waiting.

So I stalked off to the bathroom.

Yep. Closed the door, grabbed a piece of clothing and buried my head in it to muffle the sounds of my pathetic squalling and sobbing. Stuart standing outside the door trying to cajole me out of the bathroom to talk to him.

I told him to leave me alone, there is no way that he could understand and just telling me that it's almost over, or that it's just not time, wasn't going to do anything but piss me off.

Then I started sobbing again. I told him that if I didn't know I was dilated, that I had lost my mucous plug...it wouldn't be so bad. It's knowing that I could go anytime now or two weeks from now. The waiting is wearing on my nerves. I can't relax. I am not sleeping very well and I can't keep my mind focused on one damn thing for longer than 5 minutes.

I don't want to hear about some women that walk around dilated 3 centimeters for 3 weeks. I DON'T CARE.

a little bit later...

SEE! I have no doubt that I've list my mind now for sure. I just told Stuart that I wanted to try and not have any drugs during labor.

I've lost my flippin mind. No doubt about it. No drugs??????

oy vey. (or however ya spell it)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 18, 1998
6:00 pm

In that book I have, "The Pregnancy Journal" by A. Christine Harris, Ph.D., they give little tidbits about other cultures and how they deal with pregnancy.

Many cultures send their women into isolation the last month or so.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, reading these things, I was horrified at the 'barbaric' nature of this kind of practice.

I am now in TOTAL AGREEMENT with these practices.

This is a good idea because it probably cuts down on the accidents and death rate among the men in said cultures.

I am in (and have been for about a week now) the most foul of foul moods. Feel very sorry for the people who have to live with me, I do.

I tried to explain to Stuart that it's not him, it is the waiting, the impatience, the inability to get a decent nights sleep, the pain that is almost a constant thing ( my back is killing me).

I'm pregnant. I'm hormonal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 21, 1998
4:00 pm

First I must say THANK YOU's to those that sent email. It went a looong way towards cheering me up. Which I consider a minor miracle these days. :)

Doctor's appointment yesterday.

Blood Pressure has been up for the last month or so which I guess, is considered normal. Most of the time mine runs about 115/60 or so but it's been up to 130/70 for the last couple weeks.

My weight is back up to 170. ugh. I indulged in some sweets this past week. And LOTS of milk. So I know where that came from. Need to stop that!

They had to prick my finger to check my blood iron. I hate that worse than a damn shot. My iron level is fine. No anemia.

The Urinary Tract Infection has also cleared up. Good thing, that Macrobid makes me sick to my stomach even when I eat before I take the medicine like I'm supposed to.

The Internal Exam sucked. I've never had a doctor be so damn rough before. It was all I could do to not scoot my way backwards right off the freakin table. Jesus! It REALLY hurt. I told Stuart that I hope to God that Dr. Gooden doesn't deliver this baby! Next time, if he is the one doing the examination, I'm going to tell him he better be a little bit gentle or he isn't doing it.

We still have sex and it doesn't hurt a bit like that.

Anyhow. I've dilated a whole big whopping 1/2 centimeter since last Wednesday. I'm totally not pleased. 2 centimeters. I was in ACTIVE LABOR with Alix at 2 centimeters dilation.

Doctor told me "See you next Wednesday (my actual due date), if not before."

If not before. YEAH RIGHT. I'll be going in next Wednesday for my appointment I'm sure. Bah! Enough of that.

=========

I was looking at Baby Horoscopes. If the child is born by on or after November 23 it will be a Sagitarius baby. I got the reading from here.

"Symbol - The Archer
Ruling Planet - Mars
Birthstone - Turquois
Flower - Narcissus
Color - Purple

The Sagitarious Personality

Your child is an intellect. S/he is often possesive but generous with those that are close. A child born under this sun sign is hopeful and impressionable. He or she is quick, enterprising, demonstrative in affection, and loyal. This individual loves liberty and will do anything to obtain it. Because of a firm belief in freedom of speech and expression, Sagittarians are very opinionated. These children can be rebellious, with a tendancy to be indifferent to the law. Sagittarians also have a psychological outlook on life, always trying to understand what makes people tick but because of their blunt characteristics they sometimes lose friends.

The Sagitarrian child loves beauty and is often artistic and refined. They tend to take shortcuts often getting caught up in detail and forgetting the big things. Your Sagitarrian is noble, sentimental, impulsive, and tactless.

Your role as a parent is to help your child choose friends more discrimitatley. This will set a foundation in evaluating people that will eventually be critical in their choice of a mate. Sagittarians like to help people of need but often get taken advantage of. Sagittarians can not judge people.

Sagittarians are telented in art, education, dancing and ministry. Many Sagittarians are also business people and specifically lawyers.

Famous People Born under the Sagitarian sign:

Sir Winston Churchhill, English Statesman, November 30

Diego Rivera, Painter/Artist, December 8

Frank Sinatra, Singer, December 12

Steven Spielberg, Movie Producer, December 18th"

(why do they keep spelling Sagittarius differently? Someone needs a spellchecker or at least to check out a dictionary.)

If born between now and midnight Sunday night it would be a Scorpio.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 23, 1998
7:00 am

I had the bloody show the pregnancy books tell you about. Never had it before with Mike or Alix.

Gah! This stuff is pretty gross when you're reading about it. Anyhow. It showed up last night about an hour before I went to bed.

This morning I'm feeling a little bit....weird. Like a dull, achey, "broody" feeling wrapping itself around my back and stomach. Very weird.

Who knows. Maybe this will be over by tonight.

3:00 p.m.

I've been having contractions since about 8 this morning. They have been getting progressively stronger and right now are starting to get to the uncomfortable point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 24, 1998
11:00 am

Here I sit.

At home.

Still pregnant.

and IN PAIN.

Labor contractions all day yesterday. At 3 p.m. they were 7 minutes apart and getting stronger. By 5 p.m. they started getting more uncomfortable, nothing I couldn't live with, and 5 minutes apart. They stayed at 5 minutes apart until about 10 p.m.

At that point they started doing the 4-5 minute apart thing and the pain was noticable. Noticable in that I was consciously relaxing my body and breathing while getting through them.

I called the hospital and told them and they said to come in. This was about 8 p.m. I wanted to wait for a little while longer because like I said, there was discomfort but no REAL PAIN. They told me to give them a call whenever I decided to go in.

Since we are about 40 minutes or so away from a hospital, Stuart was getting a bit worried about me not wanting to leave so at about 10:30 we decided to in. I just knew what they would tell me.

So we get there and I get admitted and all that stuff. Pretty quickly I might add. I get in the room and am told to go do the urine specimen thing and to get undressed and put one of those wonderful designer butt showing gowns on.

Onto the bed for blood pressure check, temperature check, and getting hooked up to the fetal and contraction monitor. Do all this and the doctor comes in, my second favorite one. There are 4 doctors that do the labor thing where I go to. My favorite one is on call Thanksgiving weekend.

Anyhow. He does an internal exam to see how far I'm dilated. A little bit more than 2 centimeters. I KNEW IT.

This is what happened with Alix. I was 2 damn centimeters with her for-frickin-ever.

So he leaves, the nurse leaves (a very nice nurse too), and about 5 minutes later another nurse appears. With an IV.

Ah shit. I sort of bottomed out there for a minute and almost refused the damn thing. It was to get me "hydrated". I ended up getting it because if I were to stay there and wanted an epidural, I HAD to have an IV.

Noted that they no longer put the IV's in the top of your hand. They put it on the inside of your wrist where the hand meets the wrist. Painful but no where near as bad as having it put in the top of your hand.

At this point, I was mentally slipping. After she put the IV in (god it was so cold going into my veins..i hate that feeling), she left and I lay there while Stuart was checking out the fetal/contraction monitor. He said that he was going to go out and have a cigarette and get a drink. I told him not to. But about 5 minutes later told him to go ahead. No need for both of us to be strapped down, in pain and unable to have any freedom.

As I lay there on my side with my back to him, I started crying. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to go home. I was scared and the pains are worse when you can't get up and move around and since the fetal monitor is basically a type of mouse with gel on it, wrapped around your belly, with wires running off to the machine, you can't move around much or you dislodge the thing.

At this point, I didn't want to have the baby. I just wanted to go HOME.

It must be my age or something but I didn't care anymore. I'd rather have a damn emergency delivery at home than have to go back there.

Anyhow. I composed myself and continued to just lay there. The nurse came in after the IV drip finished to check my cervix again. Open to about 3 centimeters. She told me that she was going to give it another hour and check me again.

The hour passed and she came back and it was just the same. No real change.

Fine. Now let me the fuck out of here.

She did and gave me instructions on what to do today and to take it easy and all that.

Okay. Thanks alot. Bye.

While standing at the elevators I turned to Stuart and told him "you know what I'm thinking." He was partially right when he said that I was thinking that I wasn't coming back. I told him yeah but I had half a mind to call Mary and tell her to haul herself over to my house and help me deliver this baby right there when it is time.

I DO NOT want to go back.

So. Here I sit after a crappy 6 or so hours of non-sleep. The contraction pains were strong enough to wake me up from time to time and I had to get up and go to the bathroom about 50 times because anything in my bladder makes the contractions more painful.

Stuart is still sleeping and I'm about to go draw a bath and float in the water. I hear that lessens the contraction pain and I need some damn relief. This really sucks.

Continued over at The Actual Labor and Delivery

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